It's about time I pay homage to probably the greatest reality/game show of all time. Ok, the reincarnation of American Gladiators a few years back was the greatest of all time ("Judge, Jury, Ginormous"). It's time we pay homage to the second best reality/game show of all time. Where else can you combine copious amounts of drinking, a bunch of physically...umm..."enhanced" Alpha-males scheming and running into each other a lot, and the distinct possibility that a lesbian three-some could break out at any second?
Nowhere, that's where.
It's Wednesday night, its 9:56 in the PM, and this year's challenge, "The Ruins," is about to start. And T.J. Lavin is about to say, "You killed it." Come along with me, let's watch together!
10:00 - Welcome to the show, new guy Chet. You have no idea what you're in for. And welcome back Cyrus, how's 40 treating you?
10:02 - Danny just explained to us the 45 love triangles to look forward to this season. Confusing. Amazing.
10:04 - The teams are split into "Challengers" and "Champs" this season. Or, "Pre-menopause" and "Post-menopause."
10:07 - Ridiculously awesome official show intro. The cast members couldn't possibly look harder in their traditional Thai garb. Except for chet and his thick black glasses. Enjoy the next 50 minutes Chet, it's been fun.
10:09 - Drunken pool party #1. Nine minutes into episode 1. Maybe a record for longest that's ever taken. Ooh and first glimpse of Tonya topless! Also a record.
10:13 - So Evan called Wes before they came on the show to ask if he was coming. Wes said no. Wes lied. Uh oh. Also, Kenny hooked up with Wes's (now ex)girlfriend on a previous challenge. She's there. Wes is there with new girlfriend, who previously dated Cohutta (yeah you read that right, Co-hut-ta). And my head just exploded. Let's get to some challenges already!
10:21 - Drinks, drinks, drinks. Tonya, Tonya, Tonya. She's "going through some things right now that are making me unstable." And now she's yelling at some poor girl because said poor girl is making fun of the fact that Tonya lives in Walla Walla, Washington. If you live in Walla Walla, Washington, how do you not think that's funny?
10:25 - "Zombieland" looks like the coolest Woody Harrelson zombie comedy in at least 15 years. Write that down, Oscar.
10:28 - Wes is upset about how his team is going to choose people to go into each duel. And his whole team hates him. So he's planning on blatently throwing challenges, even saying he'll "tackle teammates" if necessary. Odds of him getting punched in the next hour: 5-1 and dropping.
10:37 - Ooooh challenge time. A bunch of testosterone-fueled guys and girls climbing up a rope and the same time and ringing a gong at the top. People are getting stepped on left and right.
11:05 - Here's what you missed in the last half hour: 1) The first "Ruins" matchups were decided: Wes vs. Chet (it's been fun Chet), Tonya vs. Diem. 2) Tonya getting belligerent again...the night before her Ruins catfight with Diem. 3) Chet claiming to be "a tougher competitor than he looks" while wearing a black tank top and a purple bow tie. Better luck next time Chet.
11:10 - Chet is rocking his thick black glasses and purple bow tie in the Ruins. He's in trouble. Luckily, T.J. just explained tonight's game, and there's no physical contact between the guys. Chet has a chance! It look's like he's winning! Aaaand commercial break. Predictable.
11:15 - Speaking of predicable, Chet lost. Sad day for all Mormons. I'm gonna throw this out there: maybe don't wear a purple bow tie next time.
11:24 - Tonya pulls her collective ish together and beats Diem, proving once and for all that 18 shots of Grey Goose is the perfect night-before-the-event meal. Can't wait to try that one out.
11:29 - An epic, EPIC preview of the rest of the season. By the looks of things, Wes is going to fight every single guy on his team. Also, I think at some point Shauvon is going to pop an implant. I know this because Shauvon said "I think I just popped an implant." More fights, epic challenges, and yes, certainly some girl-girl hookups. Apparently they're a necessity.
And that's a wrap! Still waiting for T.J.'s first "You killed it!" of the season. Maybe next Wednesday night.
I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius,
Colin
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Fantasy Football: The Ultimate Love/Hate Relationship
It's Monday night. Time to cozy up on our awesome deteriorating sectional in the lower level of our bad ass split level and casually take in a foosball game between two teams I couldn't care less about. Entirely stress free, just enjoying the game and breaking into spontaneous "U.S.A." chants.
But wait! I'm playing my roommate this week in the uber-sports-fan-dork game of fantasy football. I'm up a meager five points going into tonight's game, all of my guys have already played, and my opponent has a decent-at-best receiver left. He could get 10 points, he could get 0. He needs to get 6 to beat me. A touchdown does it. 60 yards does it. So instead of dozing off with Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie crumbs (yeah I eat the sprinkles first) all over my face and shirt on my grandpa's old recliner, I'm alert. And I'm scared.
It's like someone told me before the game "Hey man, sometime in the next three hours, without warning, Toby Maguire is gonna punch you in the stomach. (It would hurt more because Spidey caught you off guard, but it wouldn't be a lingering pain like, say, a sucker punch from a Jon Hamm or this guy. I'd get over it.)
But it's entirely possible this punch isn't coming. I could win! Team "Dr. Kenneth Noisewater" could move to a league-leading 2-1! Or not. Dammit. All I know is a prize pool of over $300 and, more importantly, this trophy are up for grabs. And nothing, NOTHING!, would be more satisfying than winning that damn throphy. But until then I'll be here rooting against Muhsin Muhammad and watching my back. Somewhere Toby Maguire is hiding, ready to strike.
Sorry you didn't book Mugatu's Derelicte campaign,
Colin
(UPDATE: I was up 1 point in the last minute of the game. Muhammad had 44 yards, needed 6 more for a tie. And he gets exactly 6 in the second to last play of the game. We tied. I want to puke.)
But wait! I'm playing my roommate this week in the uber-sports-fan-dork game of fantasy football. I'm up a meager five points going into tonight's game, all of my guys have already played, and my opponent has a decent-at-best receiver left. He could get 10 points, he could get 0. He needs to get 6 to beat me. A touchdown does it. 60 yards does it. So instead of dozing off with Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie crumbs (yeah I eat the sprinkles first) all over my face and shirt on my grandpa's old recliner, I'm alert. And I'm scared.
It's like someone told me before the game "Hey man, sometime in the next three hours, without warning, Toby Maguire is gonna punch you in the stomach. (It would hurt more because Spidey caught you off guard, but it wouldn't be a lingering pain like, say, a sucker punch from a Jon Hamm or this guy. I'd get over it.)
But it's entirely possible this punch isn't coming. I could win! Team "Dr. Kenneth Noisewater" could move to a league-leading 2-1! Or not. Dammit. All I know is a prize pool of over $300 and, more importantly, this trophy are up for grabs. And nothing, NOTHING!, would be more satisfying than winning that damn throphy. But until then I'll be here rooting against Muhsin Muhammad and watching my back. Somewhere Toby Maguire is hiding, ready to strike.
Sorry you didn't book Mugatu's Derelicte campaign,
Colin
(UPDATE: I was up 1 point in the last minute of the game. Muhammad had 44 yards, needed 6 more for a tie. And he gets exactly 6 in the second to last play of the game. We tied. I want to puke.)
#34: Bench Press 400 Pounds
Ok, ok. So this is a bit of a long term goal. Call it a five...ten year plan. Odds are, without serious help from Hulk Hogan or the New York Yankees' training staff (see: "needles" or "anabolic effing steroids"), I'll never get there. (Although I promise here and now that if/when I do, I'm unneccesarily calling Veronica Corningstone into my office to tell her about my deep burn.) But I saw a guy put up 405 a few times today, with 4 plates on either side of a seriously bending bar, and it looked like a whole lot of fun (see: "pain"). I started feeling ambitious.
But lifting is all about improving little by little, small but very satisfying victories. We've got a long way to go. And I guess I have a few other things to spend my time on. Also, I don't know if you heard me, but I did over a thousand.
But why male models?,
Colin
But lifting is all about improving little by little, small but very satisfying victories. We've got a long way to go. And I guess I have a few other things to spend my time on. Also, I don't know if you heard me, but I did over a thousand.
But why male models?,
Colin
Thursday, September 24, 2009
#1
The other day I heard about this group of four young Canadian guys working on a project they call "The Buried Life." Essentially, these guys have each compiled a list of 100 things they would like to do before they die. They travel the country in an RV attempting to accomplish these tasks, which range anywhere from "Sing the national anthem to a packed stadium" (accomplished) to "Get on the cover of Rolling Stone" (not so much). Along the way, they ask strangers a simple question: "What would you like to do before you die?" Their goal is to then help these people they have just met chase their dreams. Myriads of inspiring and heartfelt moments follow.
After three years out on the road, the "Buried Life" guys are garnering serious national attention, and will be doing what they do on their own MTV series, starting in December. (Apparently MTV ran out of girls to do "The Hills" spinoffs with. Too bad.)
Well, dammit, I'm inspired. I'm making my own list of 100. What you're reading is task #1.
I've always wanted to write. A journal, a short story, the next great American novel, whatever. I briefly had an opinion column in my high school newspaper, and it was fun, but I was too concerned with what 2,000 high school kids thought of me through my writing to make it honest and worthwhile. Also, I tried way too hard to be way funnier than I actually am. Also also, this was over four years ago.
I constantly have all of these thoughts in my head, and while ninety percent of them are probably crap, what if I actually have something to say with that other ten percent? Whether you know me well or not, you've probably noticed I'm not exactly the quickest to open up. I often assume that what I have to say isn't that interesting, or that I shouldn't be bothering people with my thoughts or problems. So I don't speak up, things get bottled up inside me, and I deal with everything alone. I'm guessing that's not the best idea. Might as well starting writing some stuff down.
So boom! Here I am, a blogger. As I'm not entirely sure where my mind will be in the upcoming weeks and months, I can't really tell you what exactly to expect from me here. I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this really (expect...ok...hey mom.). I figure the fact that I'm writing it is the important part.
But if you are reading, and plan on joining me in the future, first of all welcome to The Dohedron. Be sure to expect hard-hitting, jaw-dropping entries like: "My first 25 Dave Matthews concerts," "Top 10 weightlifting no-no's," and "101 Ways to arrange your bumper stickers." Occasionally we'll take a break from such meaty topics and just talk about life. Ups and downs...challenges...successes. We'll laugh, we'll cry. Maybe we'll learn. Maybe I'll even explain what "Dohedron" means.
If you'd like to suggest something, complain about something, or just say hey (or if you need some pictures taken, wink wink), please email me at colin@colinthompsonphoto.com. Or just leave a comment here. Either way, I'd love to hear from you.
I'm not an ambi-turner,
Colin
After three years out on the road, the "Buried Life" guys are garnering serious national attention, and will be doing what they do on their own MTV series, starting in December. (Apparently MTV ran out of girls to do "The Hills" spinoffs with. Too bad.)
Well, dammit, I'm inspired. I'm making my own list of 100. What you're reading is task #1.
I've always wanted to write. A journal, a short story, the next great American novel, whatever. I briefly had an opinion column in my high school newspaper, and it was fun, but I was too concerned with what 2,000 high school kids thought of me through my writing to make it honest and worthwhile. Also, I tried way too hard to be way funnier than I actually am. Also also, this was over four years ago.
I constantly have all of these thoughts in my head, and while ninety percent of them are probably crap, what if I actually have something to say with that other ten percent? Whether you know me well or not, you've probably noticed I'm not exactly the quickest to open up. I often assume that what I have to say isn't that interesting, or that I shouldn't be bothering people with my thoughts or problems. So I don't speak up, things get bottled up inside me, and I deal with everything alone. I'm guessing that's not the best idea. Might as well starting writing some stuff down.
So boom! Here I am, a blogger. As I'm not entirely sure where my mind will be in the upcoming weeks and months, I can't really tell you what exactly to expect from me here. I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this really (expect...ok...hey mom.). I figure the fact that I'm writing it is the important part.
But if you are reading, and plan on joining me in the future, first of all welcome to The Dohedron. Be sure to expect hard-hitting, jaw-dropping entries like: "My first 25 Dave Matthews concerts," "Top 10 weightlifting no-no's," and "101 Ways to arrange your bumper stickers." Occasionally we'll take a break from such meaty topics and just talk about life. Ups and downs...challenges...successes. We'll laugh, we'll cry. Maybe we'll learn. Maybe I'll even explain what "Dohedron" means.
If you'd like to suggest something, complain about something, or just say hey (or if you need some pictures taken, wink wink), please email me at colin@colinthompsonphoto.com. Or just leave a comment here. Either way, I'd love to hear from you.
I'm not an ambi-turner,
Colin
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